Stop Blaming People with Eating Disorders

The ultimate paradox of eating disorders in our society is the disdain we have for people suffering with them. We live in a culture obsessed with thinness, dieting and “healthy” eating, yet the most common response we have to people with eating disorders is “why can’t you just eat the food?”

As I have written extensively in this blog, the most important risk factor for developing an eating disorder is dieting. We are all genetically programmed to respond to prolonged restricted eating differently, and many of us respond by developing eating disorder behaviors.

Despite the fact that our society focuses so much on weight and food restriction, people who have eating disorders are almost always blamed for their illness. It’s difficult for people to have the kindness and compassion people with eating disorders need and deserve to get better. Instead these patients are faced with an endless barrage of anger and blame which only intensified the already harsh, critical thoughts central to an eating disorder, as I wrote about in the last post.

So many treatment approaches to eating disorders use blame and anger as a supposed therapeutic technique. Treatment teams often use ultimatums to attempt to force people to get well or else terminate treatment. Hospitals tie patients down or lock them alone in rooms to force them to comply. Clinicians harp on patients to “want to get well,” as if getting better is simply a matter of will. Medical care doesn’t usually punish people for being sick but that’s incredibly common for people with eating disorders.

The key to moving forward in eating disorder treatment is simple: understanding, care and kindness.

People with eating disorders need to be heard and understood. Rather than telling people what to do, clinicians, doctors, family members and friends need to be quiet and listen. Given time, people will find their voice and learn ways to express themselves.

Eating disorder thoughts are very harsh and cruel. People struggle to ignore the loud thoughts in their head and try to take steps towards wellness all day. Kindness and compassion serve as bulwarks to keep going forward.

The shift from blame to kindness can enable people to feel supported in recovery. Rather than reinforce the hypocrisy in our society of blaming those with eating disorders, let’s try to be kind and chart a new path to being well.