Approaching Someone in Recovery

Eating disorders at their core are an attempt to cope with the world around us and with our feelings and thoughts. The core beliefs of an eating disorder structure each day with goals and plans to feel comfortable and secure. In a world riddled with uncertainty and fear, an eating disorder simplifies life and guides us through our daily travails.

Naming an eating disorder as an illness simply ignores the fundamental purpose it serves. We all struggle with how to manage our thoughts and feelings, fears and dreams. It’s not as if any clinician has the perfect way to face the realities of life. Yes, eating disorders wreak havoc on one’s life and on those around you and so aren’t particularly effective. But the alternative of learning to live without the eating disorder is no easy feat either.

No one should tell someone in recovery that life will be wonderful once you get better, that recovered life is a type of nirvana. Realistically, life in recovery is still hard even though it is very much possible to get well. Life in recovery does mean being able to face daily tasks, develop much closer relationships and learn to achieve goals outside of food and weight. Eating disorders make other life goals almost impossible.

But recovery does not make things easy, just possible.

Treating people with eating disorders as less than or inferior is infuriating to people in recovery. Even for the sickest people, everyone wants and needs to be treated as an equal human being. Eating disorders don’t make anyone less than another person. Having fallen into an illness that helps one cope with life is not a sign of failure or a less evolved person. We all cope with life the way we do. If someone gets off track with an eating disorder, the goal of recovery is to find another way.

So in order to connect with someone getting help for an eating disorder, the best way to approach any conversation is just as two people trying to talk to each other. Recognizing the underlying humanity in another person, no matter their situation, is the best way to work together and help open a path to get well.