The Secret Life of an Eating Disorder

People with eating disorders become masters of hiding and secrecy. This behavior doesn't represent a pattern of deceit or a change in character. In fact, most people with eating disorders have a strong conscience that judges every step and action and even every thought harshly. 

Instead the shame and compulsive behaviors lead a person to hide their true feelings and constantly put on a show to the world as if everything is fine. And the majority are remarkably successful at portraying themselves as well while suffering greatly with their illness. 

This split between the private and the public self is a common experience for most people. Everyone knows that there is a difference between how they are at work or out of the house as opposed to their personality at home. But for people with eating disorders, this divide is much greater. 

In order to make up for the shame and humiliation of the eating disorder, people tend to overcompensate in the world. They tend to be people pleasers to an extreme and try to help and support others while projecting an image of someone whose life is completely in order. 

But the effect of this outside persona is to reinforce the internal shame of the reality of struggling so much with the eating disorder symptoms. This dichotomy leads to a feeling of being trapped in the illness. 

The juxtaposition between the outside and the inside creates a deep sense of being a fraud. That reality reinforces the need to hide and protect a secret life the eating disorder needs to flourish. The more a person can successfully inhabit these two worlds, the more entrenched an eating disorder becomes. 

Accordingly, successful treatment must open up these secrets as completely as possible. Digging into that private world uncovers the shame and also helps separate the sense of being a fraud from the illness itself. When someone has help and support to uncover the divide between the private and public worlds, the power of the eating disorder diminishes significantly. One immediate goal of treatment is to take away the secrecy and privacy of the illness. Without that power, the path towards recovery opens up.