The Isolation of Having an Eating Disorder

Having an eating disorder is a very lonely experience. The relentless thoughts about food or weight, about the right food choices or about how one is perceived overwhelm daily life. The demands, both emotionally and physically, of managing an eating disorder take over one’s life. The behaviors take priority over everything.

Due to all these pressures, there is very little room for other parts of life: family, personal and professional relationships, activities and even any sense of joy. The things well people take for granted are almost an afterthought to people with an eating disorder.

Eating disorders also hold most of their power through secrecy. Exposing the heart of the illness feels very shameful for people to even consider. The underlying feeling of shame is often cloaked in superiority or necessity or self-hatred. There is no consideration of understanding one’s experience at all but only that what they need to do each day must be done. The secrets of the eating disorder are typically what keeps people stuck for long periods of time.

The mundane interactions of daily life often trigger the most painful emotions for someone with an eating disorder and thereby reinforce the secrecy and shame. Saying “How are you?” can feel like a reproach since they feel so bad all the time. Mentioning food or weight at all becomes a devastating reminder of their suffering. A doctor’s appointment inevitably leads to a comment about health, weight and nutrition that cements how much they feel like a failure. The list goes on and on.

This experience of always being misunderstood, always being alone and always hiding behind secrets and shame is a symbol of the ultimate pain of suffering with an eating disorder.

With all the focus on GLP-1’s, inflammatory illnesses related to eating disorders and the onslaught of private equity financing of treatment centers, the true experience of someone with an eating disorder remains unchanged. These people feel very alone, deeply misunderstood and consumed by thoughts and behaviors which derail their lives.

Accordingly, treatment still must focus on understanding, empathy, kindness and care. It’s true now as much as ever that people get better when they receive these simple gestures in their lives day after day as they find their way through the complexities and frustrations of recovery.

The loneliness of an eating disorder is a painful experience. A provider who can be human and genuine, while also being knowledgeable and extremely caring, will give enough to foster the growth and joy recovery can bring. The other avenues involving medical comorbidities and adjunctive treatment are important too, but we all must remember that kindness and care remains the first necessary steps in successful recovery.