Please Stop Saying “Just Eat” to Someone in Eating Disorder Recovery

Despite the increased awareness, ignorance about the cause and treatment of eating disorders still runs rampant. Recovery, while very possible for many people with eating disorders, is still difficult and prolonged. The age old mantra of “just eat” is still surprisingly prevalent.

For people without eating disorders, eating is an automatic part of life. If you’re hungry, eat a meal. If it’s lunch time, eat lunch. Being hungry, eating and then becoming full is part of any normal day, several times per day. Even for people with disordered eating or overly concerned with weight, for the most part they still eat regularly enough throughout the day.

Eating disorders create an entirely new set of rules about eating. The rules involve not eating, delaying food as long as possible or eating strictly small amounts, to name a few. The rules are not logical or reasonable but are fixed in stone. If the rules are broken, there is punishment: binging, purging, over-exercise or starving, to name a few.

Just as importantly, the rules are so fixed because the foundation of the eating disorder is most often psychological. Following the rules can create order and structure when life feels unmanageable like for people with post traumatic stress disorder. The rules might be due to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder so they are almost the law. Or the rules are the only way a person knows how to manage living like for people who first developed their eating disorder at a young age.

For people trying to support someone in recovery, saying “just eat” feels upsetting for a number of reasons. First, they feel misunderstood, not heard and alone. They hope the people who care about them understand that they need reassurance, comfort and support, not an ignorant statement that just makes them feel worse.

Second, supporting someone in recovery means understanding that the psychological and emotional trials of recovery are the hardest part. Eating may be hard, but support that reflects understanding and knowledge always feels more comforting.

Third, saying “just eat” feels as demeaning and punishing as the eating disorder itself, which is often very harsh. People need calm and caring support that counters the eating disorder, not another critical voice to manage.

Education about eating disorders is so important to support people in recovery. People who are trying to support someone with an eating disorder need enough knowledge to be supportive in the most effective way possible. “Just eat” will never be helpful. Instead, “I am here for you” or “How can I help” will always work. Kind and caring words will always make a difference.