Eating Disorder Recovery during the Holiday Season

The holiday season can be very hard for people in recovery from an eating disorder. They feel pressured to appear more well than they are and to put on a veneer or comfort and calm when the holiday meals elicit anything but that feeling.

Recovery and progress cannot move forward any faster because of a holiday, and the most important decision in anticipation of these days is to stay grounded in what works in recovery.

Practically, the person in recovery needs to follow their meal plan and expectations of the treatment team as a top priority. Often, this plan will mean eating at times others don’t eat or types of food other people may not be eating.

It’s also critical for people to explain to families that the plan for recovery is more important than any family tradition. The goal is not to make this specific holiday better but to pave the way for real recovery in the future.

Moments of seeming normalcy that only hide the severity of the illness perpetuate the lie that things are getting better. Transparency, even if it reveals the difficulties of recovery, is much more honest and promotes progress towards wellness.

Families can focus primarily on compassion and support. The holidays shine a spotlight on togetherness and food, both things people in recovery struggle with. The food is clearly difficult and the time together makes it much harder to hide the eating disorder. This feels very exposing for people fighting to get well. When families show love and support, the environment encourages openness and decreases the urge to hide.

Last, I encourage families to try to celebrate the gains in recovery and recognize how hard the process is. The changes someone makes in a year time might seem small, yet the work and progress lay the groundwork for more and more health and for breadth in one’s life.

The Veneer of Success Hides the Suffering of an Eating Disorder

Many people with eating disorders appear to live relatively normal lives. To the uneducated or ill-informed observer, the limitations of the eating disorder don’t diminish someone’s life considerably.

Except for the most ill, people with eating disorders can maintain careers, relationships, friendships and family. Part of what can be so confusing to many is that the only issue between health and illness is simply eating food regularly through the day.

Although eating appears to be straightforward, nothing is harder for someone with an eating disorder.

The experience of those who are sick is diametrically opposed to how the bystander views the illness. The sick feel as if their entire life has been hijacked. They are able to cobble together a life out of sheer force while constantly battling thoughts and behaviors around food which dominate their internal world. They live in a constant state of self-loathing, rumination about food and misery. Any accomplishments pale in comparison to the suffering.

The behavioral and medical components of the eating disorder are just ramifications of the powerful psychological and emotional toll of the illness.

All the success does not represent the true difficulty of surviving with a chronic eating disorder. In fact, people often feel as if they lose any sense of who they are and instead function as a puppet controlled by the eating disorder thoughts.

Compassion for someone with an eating disorder begins with understanding how powerful the eating disorder is and how hard it is to function with it every day. The more someone understands the daily struggle with the illness, the stronger they feel to fight against the thoughts and behaviors.

In addition, support involves helping someone remember who they are deep down beneath the eating disorder. Since they often lose connection with their true selves, any real relationship in the world helps them remember that there is a real person underneath the illness.

Concrete accomplishments don’t represent steps towards recovery. Escaping the relentless thoughts of an eating disorder entails daily, grueling work, and any help connecting with the deep, meaningful relationships in recovery helps a person keep fighting to get well every day.

The Truth about Full Recovery from an Eating Disorder

The notion of full recovery from an eating disorder remains controversial in the media and lay world. Eating disorders may be very specific diagnostic entities to clinicians; however, the terms are used more broadly by the public. Similarly, many if not most people see eating disorders as a way of life rather than an illness with an actual cure.

Two phenomena lead to this fallacy: clear evidence of people with chronic eating disorders and the cultural acceptance of food and weight obsession. These two realities help propagate the myth that no one can get better from an eating disorder.

The truth is that some people have chronic eating disorders they need to manage throughout their lives. Sometimes the eating disorder is disabling and extremely limiting and in other circumstances people can manage larger lives while also dealing with a chronic illness.

A significant percentage of people do fully recover, including people with all different kinds of eating disorders. These people tend to have certain similar experiences that increase the likelihood of recovery.

First, people have a higher chance of getting better the earlier they enter into effective treatment. The longer someone is ill, the more ingrained the eating disorder thoughts and patterns become. This is especially the case when the eating disorder persists in early years of adulthood and becomes a key component of adjusting to life in the world.

Second, the more fulfilling a person’s life is despite the eating disorder, the higher the success of treatment. People need to have things that matter more than the eating disorder. This enables them to deal with the persistent discomfort of eating normally because there is something else to eat for.

Third, people need to be able to believe the thoughts that counter the most basic argument of the eating disorder. These thoughts include fear of gaining weight, the need for regular nutrition and that there are other ways to handle stress and emotion. When the eating disorder is the sole way someone handles life, recovery looks much more daunting.

Last, the more support someone has in life enables recovery to proceed more smoothly. Support isn’t absolutely necessary but makes a difference so the person feels less alone.

Completely recovery is a very common end result of treatment. An eating disorder is not a life sentence despite the general belief otherwise. Getting treatment early and fully committing to the work of getting better really can pay off.