Eating disorder thoughts typically weave into a person’s identity and feel inextricable from oneself. These disorders start at formative ages when identity develops. Other people react strongly to the eating disorder, only reinforcing the concept to a younger person that the disorder represents more than just a set of rules around eating but a way to define oneself. Often, the internal and external reinforcement create a profound identification with the essence of an eating disorder and leave little room for other forms of self-exploration.
Treatment feeds into this mythology by conflating the person and the illness. Unlike most psychiatric disorders, clinicians typically blame people with eating disorders for their illness and misconstrue difficulty following a meal plan with willful disobedience. For a young person trapped and confused in the mental maze of an eating disorder, blame for the illness confirms that this illness is who they are.
Attempts in treatment to separate the eating disorder from the person run through most plans for recovery. Therapy theories reflect the concept of the separation of the eating disorder voice from one’s own voice. Recovery refers to an ideal, a fantasy really, that life after recovery is idyllic once the eating disorder disappears.
In the process of this artificial definition of recovery, therapists in the eating disorder field often overlook one common theme for people with eating disorders: they don’t feel seen or heard. Being in a body approved or noticed by others or eating in a way that gets attention is the only way many people with eating disorders experience being seen. Take that away and they feel like they have nothing and are nobody. To the individual trapped in an eating disorder, getting better doesn’t feel like a choice.
The various treatment approaches using different types of behavioral therapy, meal planning, inpatient or outpatient programs or different types of trauma work are not likely to address the fundamental issue in eating disorder recovery. Each person struggling to move forward feels trapped behind the illness and all the ways they feel seen, access comfort and feel secure through the illness. In order to come out from behind that screen, therapy needs to focus on helping the person feel understood and heard and to learn who they are beneath the illness and treatment.
Each concern someone has can’t just be another eating disorder thought. Everything they feel can’t be fixed by eating more. All their life experiences can’t be the result of being stuck in an eating disorder.
Each person with an eating disorder has feelings, thoughts, preferences and ideas. Everyone struggling with an eating disorder is a legitimate person who needs to be treated as such.
Yes, clinicians can be concerned about the health and well-being of people with these illnesses because of the medical consequences in addition to psychiatric ones. The treatment team still has an obligation to remember this is a real person trying to get better from a real illness. Silencing them with endless blame for their daily experience in the illness only makes them sicker. Our job, first and foremost, is to listen.